Tuesday, September 26, 2017

{ Scottie Yuki Ryther | 7 Months }

July 14, 2017

Weight: 15 lbs 2 oz

Happy seven months Scottie. It's been one month since Scottie had your breathing accident but I just can't get over it. Whenever people ask me how things are going, I refer to Scottie's accident as if it was just a week away. Cam reminded me the other day that it has been a month but it seems as if it were yesterday.

I will never get over that day.

We've taken you to see a neurologist since then. That was a hard day and I've never seen Cam more destraught then that day. I'm usually the weak one but I had to be strong for him. We had to strap you down as they put about 30 suction cups with wires to your head. Then they wrapped your head with gauze so everything would stay in place. Scottie was inconsolible. I've only seen her cry like that a few times and it was similar to her pain when she was deep suctioned in the hospital at 4 weeks old. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry once I saw her mummified, so I did both. They had me hold Scottie and wanted her to sleep for some of her test. The test ran for 30 minutes as they watched her on the camera and watched her brain activity. Cam was having a really hard time because the neurologist was trying to find any clues as to why her accident happened. She saw that Scottie tucks her thumb and thought it could be a sign of Cerebral Palsy. For some reason, I was very calm. I was confident that she didn't have it. I didn't think it was anything but it hit Cam very hard. We both cried when the EEG nurse left us to be monitored. I think Cam and I have been through a lot when it comes to Scottie. We've been through a lot as a couple this year, and I can't help but think Scottie's accidents were meant to teach us something. We needed to come together and rely on each other for love and strength. I would never wish Scottie's accidents upon anyone, but I know that Cam and I have grown from them.

I wish I could say that the pain and anxiety of the day of her accident will go away, but I don't think it ever will. I truly believed that I lost our beautiful Scottie girl. Every night, I'm reminded of that moment and I am so beyond grateful that she's still with us. We truly had angels in our house that night. I know there were angels helping Scottie come back to us.

As for things you're doing these days. We're back on track and starting solids again! I had to take a moment to pause and focus on Scottie because I didn't want any chance of choking or anything dangerous, so we went back to pureed foods. Scottie came back into my room because of my anxiety. She wore the Owlet sock every single night and it gave me peace until it didn't. Haha the sock unfortantely would go off every once in a while. Mostly the alarms where it couldn't get a good reading but there was one night where the red alarm went off. I ran as fast as I have ever run into Scottie's room to check on her. She was fine.

The anxiety has been a hard thing for me to balance these days. It takes over my body and every squeal, every weird facial expression. It makes me think she can't breathe.

Poor Scottie got another bug and I took her into the Dr.'s to make sure she was ok. Cam and I both knew she was sick but wanted to check to make sure it wasn't anything abnormal. She had a high fever of 102 that lasted about 4 days and then she broke out with a rash so my mom thinks it was Roseola. I remember giving her a bath and dressing her for bed and she was shivering uncontrollably. The face she was making was similar to what I saw during her accident so I was very high strung when she was sick.

Whenever Scottie gets sick, my PTSD kicks in. I just want her to be safe and happy and healthy.

Scottie went on her first vacation with the Beste family! We went to their family reunion in Island Park and she was able to hang out with all the cousins. Everyone was fighting over her because she's so dang cute. She loves to splash in the tub and is already trying to stand. She's such a big girl!

Until next time,

KRR

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