Babies and corporate. Doesn't go together am I right? 9-5 craziness and babies? How. I've been one of three women on my team and when I say one of three, I mean youngest, no kids, aka not in my 40's! I knew that taking this sales job that it would be difficult and stressful but I took the job thinking I'll get pregnant in a few months and quit! What was I thinking. Cam and I tried to get pregnant for a little over a year. Every month that passed was a full day of depression as I wasn't pregnant. It was so hard for me to take those dang tests and see a negative sign every month. I'd make up an excuse and leave work crying. I'd never wanted anything more in life and cam and I were finally at a point where he felt comfortable to bring kids into this world.
Once we hit a year of actively trying to get pregnant, we decided to take it a step further and go to an infertility specialist. I remember going to the Dr. and thinking, is this really happening?! Am I really seeing an infertility Dr.? Dr. Smith is in my parents stake and my dad met him at a stake event where he talked about how he went to Tulane med school where tanner is! Dr. Smith took me into his office to talk before we went into the patient room and i can tell you this made me feel so incredibly important. He sat me down, asked me how I was feeling, asked if it made me sad, talked to me like a real person. Then we went into the room to talk about next steps. He wanted us to start tests and we did. Cam's test came back with some irregularities and since Dr. Smith is an OBGYN, he told us to go to the reproductive center. Now this place was a full on center for couples who couldn't get pregnant. This day was rough. We walked in, got a packet talking about all the expensive tests we'd do. We met with the Dr. for a consultation and he wanted me to undergo a test where they'd insert dye in my tubes or go in through my belly button with my camera along with a ton of blood work. I left the office that day heart broken. I called me dad for advice as we had to talk through insurance options with the billing ladies and figure out what was the cheapest way to do this. I could hardly tell my dad I was doing infertility tests...I remember choking up on my drive home, my eyes completely blurry with so many tears. As I told him out loud it made it real. I felt like I was living my worst nightmare as I have always wanted to be a mom. More than anything. I told people growing up that I wanted to be a mom. That's how badly I wanted this and I couldn't believe this was happening to me. My heart physically hurt. I called the office, cam and I scheduled our tests and we went on with life. Cam's test came back 100% great! I waited for my tests and of course the week I had to go in for them I had to travel for work. I called the office telling them I had to cancel and planned on going in the next month.
I thought alright well I guess we will just have to wait ANOTHER month. That next month I got pregnant.
Pregnant! Did I seriously see that big, blue, incredibly dark plus sign?!! That was one of the best days I've ever had and I'll never forget it. I immediately said a prayer in my heart and then the tears streamed down my face. I think I was laughing+crying. Heavenly Father has blessed me with a beautiful baby and has trusted me to be a mother. All of my dreams are coming true this Christmas Eve.
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